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Hello, my name is Billy and I suffer from guilt for not forwarding 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe, if you send them on, a poor six-year-old girl in Scotland with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her to a travelling freak show. 

And, do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give $1000 to you, and everyone to whom you send ‘his’ email?

How stupid are we?

Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I’ll get laid by a model I just happen to run into the next day! 

What a bunch of bullshit.

Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my house and sodomise me in my sleep for not continuing a chain letter that was started by St Peter in 5AD and brought to this country by midget pilgrim stowaways on the Endeavour. 

Fuck ’em!!

If you’re going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing.

I’ve seen all the ‘send this to 10 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being’ forwards about 90 times…. I don’t fucking care. 

Show a little intelligence and think about what you’re actually contributing to by sending out these forwards. Chances are, it’s our own unpopularity.

The point being?

If you get some chain letter that’s threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. 

If it’s funny, send it on.

Don’t piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to the arse of a dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he’ll receive if you forward this email. 

Now forward this to everyone you know… Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.
Have a nice day.

Billy Connolly

A young couple moves into a new neighbourhood. The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside. “That laundry is not very clean; she doesn’t know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.” Her husband looks on, remaining silent. Every time her neighbor hangs her wash to dry, the young woman makes the same comments. A month later, the woman is surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and says to her husband: “Look, she’s finally learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this? ” The husband replies, “I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows.” And so it is with life… What we see when watching others depends on the clarity of the window through which we look

Cada dia tenho menos uma letra,
uma boca e a mão para a dizer.
Fui colhendo a noite, palavras surdas,
o silêncio que a morte continua
sob a pele da madrugada.
Cada dia tenho menos um coração,
menos uma noite. Resta-me a memória
de abril dentro um copo de esquecimento,
o fundo da liberdade
que alguém bebeu de nós:
a canção morena da alegria,
o cravo ao rubro de fundir a paz.
Menos uma boca, uma criança
alada. Menos uma cidade onde a esperança
se cola ao rosto. Os meus passos presos
ao chão são menos o olhar que a manhã
oferece. Mas era uma vez e aconteceu
um dia, em todos os outros desse dia,
por muito tempo e ainda agora:
acordar, pôr o café na chávena
e barrar o pão com a liberdade.

(Rosa Alice Branco,

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. … The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. .

The man replied, ‘Well your Honor, it was like this…when the lady got on the bus, I couldn’t help but notice her condition.

She sat down under a sign that said, ‘The Double Mint Twins are coming’ and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, ‘Logan’s Liniment will reduce the swelling,’ and I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, ‘William’s Big Stick Did the Trick,’ and I could hardly contain myself.

But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, ‘Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!’ …. I just lost it!