A -Z of Essex English:

ASSA COMMONS – Our Parliament Building.

ART ATTACK – Extremely perturbed, as in “Don’t tell Sharon, She’ll have an art attack.”

ARST – Past tense of ask. “Jordan, I must’ve arst ya free fazzund times to
clear up yer room.”

BANNSA – A person employed to deny access or eject troublemakers at a club.
“Dave’s got izself a job as a bannsa.”

BANTY – A chocolate and coconut snack bar.

BAVE – To wash oneself.

BOAF – The two. “Oi Dave, ooja fancy most, Sharon or Tracy?” “Boaf” is the reply.

BRANSATCH – Motor racing circuit in Kent.

CANCEL – Administrative body of a town. “Darren, wive ad annuvva letter
from the cancel.”

CANTAFIT – Fake, as in money.

CHOONA – An edible fish purchased in a tin and usually prepared with mayonnaise.

CORT A PANDA – A big hamburger (smaller than an arf panda)

DAN TO URF – Sensible, practical.

DANNING STREET – Where the Prime Minister lives.

DANSTEZ – On the ground floor , where the biggest telly is.

DREKKUN – Do you consider? as in “Which dog drekkun’ll win the next race?”

EFTY – Considerable. “Ere, Trace, this credit card bill’s a bit efty.”

EJOG – A small, spiky animal (hedgehog).

ERZ – Belonging to her.

EVVY – A big geezer who protects a smaller and more intelligent geezer,
usually for money. “My name’s Frank and this is my evvy, Knuckles.”

EYEBROW – Cultured, intellectual.

FANTIN – A jet of water for drinking or ornament.

FARVA – A posh way of saying Dad.

FATCHA – Margaret, British Prime Minister 1979 – 1990.

FINGY – A person or object whose name doesn’t come to mind. “I ad it off
wiv fingy last night.”

FONG – Skimpy undergarment.

FOR CRYIN AT LAAD – Mild expletive showing annoyance or surprise. E.G.
“For cryin at lad, Britney, if I say Yes will you give it a rest?”